I am Moses, not the strong leader parting the Red Sea Moses. I am the Moses that cries to God, ‘I can’t do what you ask of me’. I am not a good speaker God, surely I cannot lead these people to the promises lands, not me God.
Now I am not downplaying how awesome Moses was and in the end how incredibly inspiring his story is, after all God loved him so much he buried Moses Himself! That is pretty cool. But I want to share with you how God can take a normal human being like you or me (or Moses) and allow us to do something great.
Six-ish years ago panic attacks overcame my life. The attacks became debilitating, they affected my job, my family, my entire life. There were points in my life I prayed for God to take me home if there was no end to the attacks. Some days I would get in my car to go to the grocery store just to turn back a mile down the road and go home, my entire body shaking (I swear even my internal organs trembled).
So when God called upon me to teach and eventually to write I was a bit like Moses. Not me God choose someone else, please I am not good enough. Do you see me God? This girl curled up in the fetal position afraid to move from my bed? At holidays hidden away praying no one noticed I was gone long enough to steady my heart and talk myself off the edge of the cliff of anxiety? You created me surely you know that I am not the one for the job…
But (like Moses) God saw more in me than that petrified girl. See He has this great big, huge plan already laid out and all we have to do is follow His direction when He calls. For so many years I lived for myself, not God. It was about me, what I could do, what I could buy, what I wanted. Most of the time God was merely an afterthought in my world. Once I was done being self-destructive and broken beyond human repair He called to me. He picked up the broken pieces that were me and rebuilt me into who He planned for me to be. Do I still struggle? Yes. Do I still have leaps and bounds to grow? I do. Do I still have those moments of doubt and fear? Absolutely, I am human.
I want to leave you with this, our God is greater than our doubts, than these physical manifestations of fear. He is greater than our worries, our anxieties, or whatever pains us. He is never done molding us into who He wants us to be but we have to be willing to give those things that pull us down up to Him so he can take them from us. Do yourself a favor friends and let the things of this world go and let God take control, that is when you will be the Moses who walked with God and not the one who doubted His will for your life.