I am Moses

I am Moses, not the strong leader parting the Red Sea Moses. I am the Moses that cries to God, ‘I can’t do what you ask of me’. I am not a good speaker God, surely I cannot lead these people to the promises lands, not me God.

Now I am not downplaying how awesome Moses was and in the end how incredibly inspiring his story is, after all God loved him so much he buried Moses Himself! That is pretty cool.  But I want to share with you how God can take a normal human being like you or me (or Moses) and allow us to do something great.

Six-ish years ago panic attacks overcame my life. The attacks became debilitating, they affected my job, my family, my entire life. There were points in my life I prayed for God to take me home if there was no end to the attacks. Some days I would get in my car to go to the grocery store just to turn back  a mile down the road and go home, my entire body shaking (I swear even my internal organs trembled).

So when God called upon me to teach and eventually to write I was a bit like Moses. Not me God choose someone else, please I am not good enough. Do you see me God? This girl curled up in the fetal position afraid to move from my bed? At holidays hidden away praying no one noticed I was gone long enough to steady my heart and talk myself off the edge of the cliff of anxiety? You created me surely you know that I am not the one for the job…

But (like Moses) God saw more in me than that petrified girl. See He has this great big, huge plan already laid out and all we have to do is follow His direction when He calls. For so many years I lived for myself, not God. It was about me, what I could do, what I could buy, what I wanted. Most of the time God was merely an afterthought in my world. Once I was done being self-destructive and broken beyond human repair He called to me. He picked up the broken pieces that were me and rebuilt me into who He planned for me to be. Do I still struggle? Yes. Do I still have leaps and bounds to grow? I do. Do I still have those moments of doubt and fear? Absolutely, I am human.

I want to leave you with this, our God is greater than our doubts, than these physical manifestations of fear. He is greater than our worries, our anxieties, or whatever pains us. He is never done molding us into who He wants us to be but we have to be willing to give those things that pull us down up to Him so he can take them from us. Do yourself a favor friends and let the things of this world go and let God take control, that is when you will be the Moses who walked with God and not the one who doubted His will for your life.


#onelinewednesday: Bellanok

Reading Bellanok now and love it!

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Stumbling blocks…

Stumbling blocks have littered my road to writing and publishing for quite some time. Seriously if I were to get in a vehicle and drive through my stumbling block laden road I would need a military grade tank to push through.

Stumbling blocks can leave one exhausted if we are not careful and do not take time to prepare for them. I am the first to admit I live in lalaland most of the time. My world is rosy and bright until it isn’t, until that big fat boulder of a stumbling block gets in my way. In the last two to three years, since I seriously started writing, there have been many obstacles that stood in my way.

Here’s the thing, for every single stumbling block the enemy put in my way God was there to blast it to smithereens. I mean I prayed and called out to God and he was there. As a matter of fact I believe he never left my side, like never. So having a day like today where I got a little down about my writing, realizing in the writing world, (for now anyways) I am a no one. And because I am a no one in the writing world I allowed the enemy to whisper those words that I have fought so hard to keep away.

‘You can’t do this,’ and ‘You are not made for this,’ or even better, ‘You are not good enough.’

I allowed myself to believe those things for a short while today and I realized something. The enemy is crafty, he puts those stumbling blocks in our way for a reason, to make us forget that our Lord is already there. It was something I forgot today until God gently reminded me he made me for more than those hate filled words, down right lies, that the enemy spews. Then he reminded me I had a job to do and that was to remind each of you the same thing. So the next time you feel down remember you are beautifully and wonderfully made and there is nothing the enemy can do to take that from you.

God Bless until next time.

Many different reasons….

I felt the need to elaborate on the last statement I made on my previous post. ‘I write so those who do not know his mercy and grace may find Him among my words and receive the hope and peace only our King can deliver.’

A few years ago my daughter came home from youth camp and said to me. ‘Mom, did you know there are at least 4,000 people in Kentucky that have not heard the name Jesus Christ.’ That statement floored me. We live in the bible belt of the US of A and there are people who do not know who Jesus is. Now that makes me sad for several reasons but here it is, adults you have the right to decide who and what you believe in. Children, teens, and young adults have that same right but if they are not exposed to the love of Christ they really have not been afforded the opportunity to truly explore what they could believe in.

It really hurt my heart to think there were kids and young adults that had not heard of the Lord. It is something that  just stayed with me. So when I began to write I thought, ‘I want to write to those who have never heard the word of the Lord.’ Not in a preachy way but just in a way that let them know God is more than an option, He is salvation, He is love.

God Bless until next time….

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Why do I write?

I have had several people ask, what made you decide to write a book?

About five years ago I felt a little unrest in my soul. I had given my life to the Lord and was serving in every capacity I possible could at that time, yet I yearned to do more. I wanted my own ministry, something I could nurture and grow.

That is when I began an open dialogue with God. I needed his guidance, to make sure I was doing what he wanted me to do, to glorify Him and His kingdom. Originally I thought being a missionary was the answer but after much prayer I received an answer I did not like. No. Just a simple word, no explanation just, no.

Let me admit right here and now I’m a bit of a rebel and do not like to be told I cannot do something. So I prayed more and questioned God’s decision to not allow me to share His words with others through mission work. Here is the funny thing…God knows us, better than we know ourselves. After much prayer (serious whining) God revealed to me why he told me no.

See, I really like my earthly home comforts. A cozy bed, warm running water, a Walmart and fast food joint around every corner. You know the awesome things we take for granted most of the time. So God kind of called me out and reminded me that although my heart was in the right place my dedication would waver once I lost my worldly goods. Ouch. Point taken.

God was right, mission work would not be something I would do on a normal basis. Still my soul felt uneasy. I prayed again for guidance from God on what I should do. This time God asked me an unusual question. ‘What is it that you would do to glorify me?’

Now that question took me aback if I were to be honest with you. Deep down I know what I always wanted to do but there had been this voice who told me I wasn’t good enough. That a girl like me who was raised in a little bitty country town in Kentucky could never be…a writer. Especially a girl who took such a destructive path most of her adolescent and young adult life. (I’ll share more about that in time.)

Dare I ask God my hearts truest desires? What would he say? But then I realized something, God knows our hearts, He wanted me to acknowledge my hearts desires to Him. I thought of Adam and Eve, God asked their location when they hid from Him once they introduced sin into their lives. He knew where they were and the mistake they made. He wanted them to acknowledge it to Him. This is what he did for me, admitting what I wanted was uncomfortable, but looking back now I realize in my discomfort my trust in God grew.

He made me realize maybe that voice was right all those years ago. I wasn’t good enough, not then. But what I want you to see is when I asked God for my writing ministry I had something that I did not have before. I had God, His voice is more mighty than the one that plagued me years before. He made me aware that when I began to write for Him it would not be for fame, money, or my glory but it would be for Him and to raise awareness of His goodness to those who may not yet know His amazing grace.

So you ask why I write? I write so that those who do not know his mercy and grace may find Him among my words and receive the hope and peace only our King can deliver.

Keep moving on….

I am starting to edit book two of the Transporter Series: The Cave of Darkness. I am super excited for this book as the story grows darker our beloved Meadow Fields’ heart begins to harden and she needs God more than ever. Stay tuned for updates on The Cave of Darkness along with the release of Book One: The Water Cave.


I have submitted my final edits to the publisher now we start the hurry up and wait process. Somewhere around March I should receive a galley of my book giving me a sneak peek of my cover and the exact layout of my book. I am so super excited to see The Water Cave in its entirety.



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